My great grandmother divorced my great grandad, she left him for being abusive and being an alcoholic. She was a single mother of three children and worked two jobs, whilst cycling. To today, it is nothing, but then, all these things were crazy. My mum tells me how my great grandmother was a strong women, liked but extremely opinionated, often preaching about happiness and equality.
My mum became a single mother of 6 females, we are all strong, dominant and a little bit crazy. We all carry the sassy characteristics and the men we typically go for are sweet, timid and laid back. Equality of gender has always been important in our beliefs and all the people around me, like friends but never did it become a conflicting problem until I met Max.
Max is extremely masculine and dominant in a subtle way. He says he fell for me the moment he met me, I walked into his house party (which I did not know), with all my friends being there I walked in soaking wet, holding two bottles of red wine lifting it up and making a deal. I remember him being there, he just stared at me like I was some sort of animal. which I felt when all my friends and other girls were wearing heels and dresses. Anyway, long story short at the end of the night he finally spoke to me, in a horrible manner and I totally reacted to it, I asked him in a polite way whether he thought it was acceptable to speak to someone they did not know like that- and he gave me that stare again. (Whilst I could not really take his abruptness off my mind)
I realised after that, that we were first attracted to our differences. I remember when I cooked him dinner, and I cooked him a roast with all the trimmings. He made a sexist comment about it not being a feminine meal to cook for a guy for a first dinner, I was interested in this and asked him what would be more suitable, to which he said pasta, seafood etc. I remember laughing, partially because how ridiculous that sounded, partially because I thought he was joking and partially because I almost picked up burgers from the shop!
Moving on, I was about to meet his parents and he lets me know a little about them, His dad is Italian, and his mum English. His mum before she married his dad, had to live in Italy to cook, speak and understand Italian culture. Waking up at 6 am to clean and not stopping til the man is asleep.
I remember thinking, uh oh.
Max’s birthday. I got a little too drunk, which I think I was one of few women who was. I had not had anything all day, so I went to the BBQ where his dad and his friends were. I asked if they needed some help, and that I honestly didn’t mind taking over the bbq for 10 mins whilst they sat down. They laughed, but I knew I had embarrassed myself. As Max says, women do the potato salad, not the BBQ. oops.
I stick out like a sore thumb, I cannot help but make comments to his dad sometimes like, ooh how about you make the dinner tonight or preach equality in conversation. But the sexist comments, I have no idea if he is totally serious or not. Either way, it makes me feel uneasy. I have not changed at all, I have consistently been myself, I help his mum with cleaning or cooking if I see her, not because I have to, but because I want to. Like how when his dad is doing something, i always offer a hand, even though he declines. Of course accepting my help would somehow affect his masculinity.
His sister does nothing but lies to her parents, boasting how she is up at 6 am cleaning and working till late, and when she sees her partner once a week she literally does everything for him. Boasting how she’ll wash his clothes, dry them then air dries them for 2 hours and then irons his underwear and socks……. when I lived with her for 2 months with max, she was so unclean and untidy, leaving washing everywhere, and only tidying the night before her partner came and the day after leaving her sex toys, yes sex toys around the house…yuck. Never did she do what she preached to her parents other than his washing…because apparently thats how her boyfriend likes it. I am not sure whether she lies to impress her dad or scared of his reaction if she told the truth. But if that was my daughter I would not find that sweet or cute, or proper.
His mum has told Max how she really likes me, how she thinks I’m extremely pretty, intelligent and bubbly.
But Max;s dad has told him, I’m young, too talkative, I drink and smoke too much, how I will not be one of those women who will look after him in everyway- which might be a problem in later years. (I dont really know how he can say that, max’s has been ill atleast on 3 different occasions and i have literally done everything for him, just how I expect the same) But, nonetheless he does find me refreshing and polite. I mean is their sexism real?
I mean is their sexism real? Because if they did not like me they would tell Max. Hmmm…
You’d think that in todays day and age we have come such a long way in terms of equality. I guess like individuals, families can be more liberal or strict and either way can be offensive, friendly or downright rude.
Im surrounded by too much sexism at the moemnt but, not long left, two weeks before they go.