My experience of learning to leave negativity behind
People say that leaving behind negativity is easy, you just walk away and never look back. Or, surround yourself by positive people. But what are you supposed to do when it is your family, because after all there not a bad ‘friend’ you can simply walk away from, there always gunna be there.
Growing up as one of six, all girls, three older, me and two younger. We all fought and argued, smiled and laughed. But, i have now at 20, almost 21, managed to say, ‘ive had enough’ and walk away, learning to leave the negative people behind in such a calm manner they will not notice for months.
Please bare in mind, I am not naming but these are a collaboration of three of my older sisters.
When i was 12, my sister tried persuading my mum that she saw me at the park, skipping school and smoking. I was slightly snobby and geeky back then and anyone who knew me, knew i would not be at a park, smoking.
Aged 12-15- constant discussions between my two sisters to my mum that i was out of control and naughty. That i was a very good liar. I lied about my GCSE marks. Oh, and not to mention one of them thought i was on heroin and the other thought i ‘just’ smoked pot. To which i did not even smoke, or drink.
- when i first met my partner, two of my sisters told me that he would cheat on he if he wasnt already doing it. One of my sisters decided to carry this idea forward and still brings it up today. I have been with my partner longer than they have been with either of theres, i completely trust my partner. Their opinions of him stems from him being in the military. Either way, it is something you do not throw out unless you have concrete evidence, its hurtful.
- When i first moved into my home and me and partner did it up, most of it by our own hands, they could not say anything nice about, nothing. Instead ridiculed the design and colours etc etc.
- Apparently, I always take money of my mum to pay for my expensive lifestyle, she pays my rent, car, bills, clothes and shopping. Of which, she pays nothing. I have borrowed from her, to pay for a car crash I had, and to lay down a deposit on my first university dig, hence why I owe her £2,103
- Apparently, I am too stupid, i think im too clever, i am too immature, I dont understand anything, I am lazy, I am not clean enough, I am too niave, im a fake, i have no balls, the list is endless. But always, their ideas always juxtapose each other.
Gather a picture of me yet? No, i never met people that actually do not know me as much as my sisters, they know my personality as too forgiving or too light hearted that i do not take anything seriously. But there opinions of me and there strong voices has made my life at times, hell. Luckily the support of my mum saying ignore them, helped but never lasts. I always have much admiration for them having children young etc etc but recently all three of them have had such massive go’s at me over nothing or little reason that I cannot handle the heart ache.
Let me go through my timeline very quickly. At 12-15 i worked hard at school, i fund raised £2000 purely on my own so i could work with disabled children in Ethiopia and teach English to the street children in Uganda. I achieved 10 A in my gcse’s, 3 b’s and 1 c, i went onto college (from 16-17 i was out a lot drinking with my friends etc), but i still got my 3 A levels. At 18, I moved out, brought a car and went to university. I have always worked since the age of 14, and only now have I quit my job recently due to my final year of studies being too intense. I hope to attend a teaching course in September. I currently live in a big two bedroom house and it is just me and our dog, floyd. Throughout the years i have been extremely close with my mum, i take her food shopping, help with the cleaning, cook the dinners for her and my two sisters for the whole week, every week. I also try and baby sit my neices/nephews as well as always being there for my sisters when they need me. Whilst maintaining my friendships with a couple of my best friends that i have known for 10 yeasr. But when i talk with my sisters i never discuss me, or my plans.it is always about them. They constantly put me down because i am not interested in my future, however, the reality is my future is not my life, my conversations are not driven by this. Recently I have pissed ALL three of my sisters and here are the reasons why…
sister 1) She has been very sensitive and angry last couple months so we have been talking but not soo much because she can lose her temper quickly. We went on holiday 6 months ago and she actually punched me and pushed me, of which i got the first flight out of there, we both apologized but it was hard for me to let her go because the flight cost me an extra £300. It was hard to let that one go. Anyway, recently she called me saying she needed my help to give her a lift to drop a important form off. I said, sorry i cant, im at university, taxi it cause it will cost you less than £10. She repeatedly called after and texting me begging for me to do it. So, i ignored them because i had already explained. This has caused her to completely cut me out of her life, i still cant believe it! As one of my favorite sisters, i cried when she wrote me a message before blocking me that ‘ive never been there for her’. (11 years older than me)
Sister 2) I took my mum food shopping on the evening my mum was supposed to look after my nephew. I had worked the whole day, like it is mon-fri, mum and my sisters had little food in. I did not want to leave my dog for long so i told my mum if we could be quick shopping, i told her to text my sister asking if she could drop him off earlier. To which my sister wrote ‘dont worry’. It was only till the evening in bed shattered that my phone went off. ‘im trying to get ready for my maths test, who the fuck do you think you are? fucking ruining my education. You selfish cow to take mum food shopping. you should know that i have college on a tues. you dickhead’. I had received 10 messages of abuse. I was shocked because she was that pissed off with me, when i had not even spoken to her. I have my own life, i cant remember when you have your appointments and college, you dont remember mine, and guess what? i dont expect you to. Secondly, how i know things is, if someone is doing you a favour, shouldnt you cater to them? My mums doing her a favour, so she could cater to mum and drop him off earlier. Urgh its pathetic but the messages made me cry. (6 years older than me)
Sister 3) One time we was on a night out, i saw a friend from uni and we got chatting. My sister decided to tell this friend that i was stupid, that i should not have gone to uni and told her my marks. I remember standing there embarrassed, my uni friend was shocked. But my sister carried on even when my uni friend asked if she could stop being so horrible. Another time, I applied for a job, and she told the potential employer that i would be brilliant for the job because i am desperate as im failing university and gunna need a full time job in a few months, instead of a part time i originally applied for. I was only informed when i went for an interview and the voice mail of my sisters voice played back. I was gutted. But anyway back to now. I worked as a PA at a financial company, my boss is her fiance. I set them two up about a year ago. Anyway upon leaving the business because ive been there long enough, also the fact that my sister kept being more and more funny and controlling- even though i dont like my boss on a personal level. So i told my boss that i found a good replacement. My sister hates this replacement, i only recommended this person because she was reliable and could start asap. But for the past week, i have had abusive, nasty and quite frankly disgusting messages about me and this ‘replacement’. But, she has not actually had a concerned conversation with her boyfriend over it, so why are you consulting me? Whats ironic is i havent been messaging her back but she keeps going. Yesterday telling me that i am out to get him, i am out to ruin his business, that i have never liked him (all because i have always been honest- i dont like him personally). This sister was the one who has sent me messages saying that why are you even gunna do a teaching course, your not gunna make it, whats the point in wasting all that money, teaching RE- have you even read the bible. I ignored her messages after spending hours crying over it- i guess its been a build up, she begged me to look after my niece the next day so she can go out with her boyfriend that night….But those messages have done the trick (13 years older)
When i told my partner about this whole mess, and obviously he knows the history of it, he could not give me one time that they have ever done something for me, or ever helped me with. They all at different times, have broken my heart. Its taken all three of them to send me abuse at once, that i cannot do it anymore. Some may think, there intentions are good, but i promise you they are not. They want to put me down or tell me how to live my life.
I will live my life how i want, i will make mistakes and i will do good at times. But i dont comment on yours, do not comment on mine. I dont offer them advice when i do not know what i am talking about, so dont do it to mine. I cant be around people that just constantly talk about ‘their’ plans and belittle me for not talking about mine. My life is not centred around it. Years i have put up with them putting me down. I am sick of their lies and how they make me feel.
But once i spent the night crying, i thought ‘enough is enough’. I still feel teary because i never thought it would get to this but, i am not doing anything for them. I cant because i have already wasted so much of my life for them. I have not exchanged a single bad word to any of them, its like they want me to just fall down and not get back up again. The clever thing about my scheme, is i have let them all have the last word, i will carry on being polite to them. But, i will not be doing any of them favours and i will not bother with them unless i have too. I know it wont be long til they all start going mad again and i couldnt give a shit.
People always portray leaving negativity behind as an action of literally walking away and not bothering to socialize with those people or have any contact with them. For me, that is impossible, but I have learnt I will be polite but nothing more or nothing less.
I have purposely not changed any grammars, or re read this, it has been a rumble from my mind oozing out onto my keyboard, a rant that has been bottled up for far too long.
I would be interested in why you decided to let someone/or people go? And how you did it and how you feel now as a result.